The recent attack on Jewish Australians celebrating Chanukah at Bondi have been deeply distressing for many in our community. We would also like to acknowledge that the event has also re-ignited conversations about identity, community and belonging that can also be distressing for many.
Adults often feel unsure about how – or whether – to talk with children about it. At Bluff Road Psychology, we know that thoughtful, developmentally appropriate conversations can help children feel safer, more supported, and better able to process what they are hearing and seeing.
This article offers some guidance for parents and carers on how to approach conversations with children about the Bondi tragedy.
Start with safety and reassurance
Children’s primary concern after a traumatic event is usually: “Am I safe?” Begin by reassuring them that they are safe right now and that there are many adults working hard to protect people and prevent harm.
Keep reassurance realistic rather than absolute. For example, instead of saying “This will never happen again,” you might say “Events like this are very rare, and there are lots of people whose job it is to keep us safe.”
Follow your child’s lead
You do not need to provide information unless your child asks for it or appears distressed. Some children will want to talk and ask questions; others may process quietly or through play. When your child raises the topic, ask open questions such as “What have you heard?” or “What are you wondering about?”
Keep explanations age-appropriate
· Younger children benefit from brief explanations focused on safety and reassurance
· Older children and adolescents may want more context and may ask deeper questions about violence, fairness, or why such events happen
If you are unsure how much to say, it is appropriate to ask: “Would you like me to explain a little more, or is this enough for now?”
Limit exposure to media and adult conversations
Repeated exposure to news, social media, and adult conversations can heighten distress, even if children appear to be distracted.
Where possible:
· Avoid watching news coverage when children are present
· Be mindful of adult conversations within earshot
· Check what older children are seeing online and help them make sense of it
Name and normalise feelings
Children may experience fear, sadness, anger, confusion, or even curiosity. All of these responses are normal.
You might say:
· “It makes sense to feel upset after hearing about something like this.”
· “Big events can bring up lots of feelings, and we can talk about them together.”
Helping children put words to emotions supports them to process big feelings, and reduces the likelihood that distress will be expressed through behaviour alone.
Model calm and care
Children take cues from the adults around them. You do not need to hide your feelings, but aim to model calm coping. If you become overwhelmed, it becomes an opportunity to model self care and returning to coping. Children also benefit from adults modelling providing support for each other (e.g. through offering a hug).
It can be helpful to:
· Share that you feel sad or shaken, and also share what helps you cope
· Balance difficult conversations with moments of connection, play, and comfort
Safety and Normalcy
As much as you can, provide opportunities for familiarity and normalcy, giving children the opportunity for felt safety in their bodies. Maintain familiar routines, which provide a sense of predictability and safety. Provide opportunities to connect with loved ones, and continue festive celebrations where possible.
Encourage helpful actions, connection and hope
For some children, it can be reassuring to focus on the kindness and care shown by others in response to tragedy. It can also be important to emphasise connection and belonging, which again helps children feel safe and addresses isolation.
This might include:
· Talking about helpers, first responders, and community support
· Engaging in age-appropriate acts of kindness or remembrance
· Reinforcing values of care, empathy, and connection
When to seek additional support
Consider seeking professional support if your child:
· Shows persistent distress, fear, or withdrawal
· Has changes in sleep, appetite, or behaviour that last more than a few weeks
· Becomes preoccupied with safety or repeatedly seeks reassurance
Support can also be valuable if you are feeling overwhelmed and unsure how to support your child.
For children who have lost loved ones:
The Raising Children network provides resources for supporting children with grief and loss: How to help your child cope with death: 3-8 years
A final word for parents and carers
You do not need to have all the answers. What matters most is being present, listening, and letting your child know they are not alone. Small, honest conversations – revisited over time – are often more helpful than one big discussion